Fact or Fiction, Paul Hedin Award, Not Really an Award

Fact.

I think the award is tantamount to being named “Playmate of the Year” by Hugh Hefner. No matter what, every year Hugh picks the blonde chick with the largest cans, and the moment that girl opens her mouth she becomes exponentially less attractive (female d-bag). For examples of this please refer to Jenny McCarthy and Anna Nicole Smith. They try and present the illusion that the subscribers have some sort of vote, but clearly it’s just the chick Hugh most wants to bone.

I’m going with Fiction, since I have the plaque somewhere in my closet and photo to prove it.

The award is not listed on GACs website though, so it must not be THAT important.

I was trying to look up the criteria for the award, but I can’t find it Online. From what I remember, it was supposed to be one of those awards given to the male swimmer that most exemplifies leadership and academic excellence… mostly leadership I think.

The team votes on it, but I think every other year it is a tie. I doubt there are that many ties, and I’m sure Jon picks two-three guys who either got the most votes, or he likes the most.

Thinking back to past winners, I would say probably more than half the guys I’ve known deserved it.

Some past winners were d-bags who basically were not liked by their peers (fellow upper classman) but kissed Jon’s ass, and won over freshman days before the vote like they were running for student council president (“If you vote for me, I’ll make pop a nickel cheaper and build a climbing wall!”). But a lot of guys I thought were actually cool guys/good leaders… I won’t name names so as to not get the thread taken down.

Just because Jon likes you though, I don’t think that is a bad thing. Most leaders get along with their coach, or at least have an understanding. Jon and I always got along, even when he took me off a relay from time-to-time.

Unconvincing argument Chapel. Did you go to law school at Hamline? I can think of two specific winners from the late 90’s early 00’s who did not get along with the coach, and provided no tangible leadership qualities. The whole thing is a travesty, a sham, and a mockery. It’s an unmitigated attack on American values, and it will not stand. I’m calling for a full recall of all winners back to 1996, and a recount should be conducted, and supervised by an unaffiliated panel of former swimmers. This award is for communists.

Your mom goes to Hamline law school.

Sigh. Listen Chapel, this is US America, and you can love it or leave it. I’ll call Toby Keith and he’ll put a boot in your ass. The continuation of the Paul Hedin award as is, is a complete injustice to the memory, and spirit, of the hero whose name it carries. An award as distinguished as this should be given to the swimmer who most exemplifies the traits Americans look for in a swim team leader. Fast times, points scored, chicks banged, these should be the standards by which we are judged. If they gave the Heisman to the nicest guy every year, Rudy would have won. But instead it goes to the quarterback, the leader of men, the champion of justice, the patron saint of 80’s movie bad guys.

Given :
Mac of the MIAC scored the most points at conference 3 out of 3 years
Mac of the MIAC was banging the hottest girl in the class of 98, if not all of the greater Mankato metro
Mac of the MIAC lost the award to someone who married the wrong person, went to Hamline law school, moved to Blaine, can’t count from 1 to 25 backwards, and shaved and tapered for a master’s swim meet

Prove :
The Paul Hedin Award is actually an award

Congratulations, you tasked us with trying to prove the “Fermat’s last theorem” of swimming. While Fermat’s theory was proven, it did take over 400 years. So I’ll take a run at it over the weekend, and post my results here. It may be my opportunity to apply my theory of awesomeness (E-Man’s Awesome Theory), which I’ve been developing over the last 16 months.

Being that the rest of us are lost, I don’t see any reason why you can’t list the winners of this prestigious award. You don’t have to make specific comments about individual winners but this would give us the opportunity to evaluate the validity of the award. Also, if there was an award for banging chicks and marrying the wrong person, I would definitely have to be top 5.

Dave Hauck, Jerry Carlson (JC’s dad), Brian Beckman, and Chris Kraemer (I think) are the names that I can come up with for the list.

Anyone else know who has won in recent years, or the very early years?

You guys (E and Mac) can’t even tell me the criterea for the award. The team gives out an MVP award as well I think (check on that, I’m pretty sure Kevin O’Laughlin won that my senior year).

I think at the end of the year banquet they give out stuff like MVP, most improved, etc.

The Paul Hedin award is not the MVP award or Heisman Trophy, and it doesn’t try to be. It is a leadership award. Is the best guy on the team always the best leader? Lots of times the best guy on the team can be a dick.

Some years I didn’t agree with who won, but I still respect what the award is about. I won’t list people I thought should have won, or why certain people didn’t win (since I’m still friends with a lot of these guys).

Mac and Revenge, you guys should give out an award for the person who most exemplifies what you look for in a swimmer. Maybe call it the “Bangin Hair Award For Excellence In Achievement.” You could give out some Vidal Sassoon to the winner and put his pic up in the bathroom of The Embassy.

Note: I don’t think Hauck or Jon’s dad won the award. I think they were older than Paul Hedin (the guy it was named after). I’ll email Jon or assistant to the Head Coach Hagen to see if I can find out more info. I could be wrong.

@Mac of the MIAC wrote:

Given :

Mac of the MIAC scored the most points at conference 3 out of 3 years

Mac of the MIAC was banging the hottest girl in the class of 98, if not all of the greater Mankato metro

Mac of the MIAC lost the award to someone who married the wrong person, went to Hamline law school, moved to Blaine, can’t count from 1 to 25 backwards, and shaved and tapered for a master’s swim meet

Prove :

The Paul Hedin Award is actually an award

Mac of the MIAC

Mac of the MIAC, all I can say is wow. You rip on people who swim masters and shave for masters meets and you bring up an award you did not win that the majority of people do not know or care about. I forgot about the award until you brought it up. I know the majority of the people who won the award and I am going to guess they are not putting it on their resume. Its probably not that important. Let it go.

And every girl is the hottest girl when you are drunk.

@Its all an ACT wrote:

I know the majority of the people who won the award and I am going to guess they are not putting it on their resume.

I put it on my resume. I also put academic all conference. Both might be seen as meaningless, but made it seem like I tried hard in college.

It tried to write out a proper proof, but the logic broke down somewhere after the third step. As this is the case, I will attempt to measure the awesomeness of the previous winners using a special theory that I have been working on in my spare time. I like to call the theory, “E-man’s awesome theory,” and it is capable of taking personality characteristics, accompanied by personal achievements, to provide us with a tangible measurement of how awesome each award winner is. The theory is as follows:

Where:
n=highest blood alcohol level achieved
k=number of chicks banged during their senior year (tranny counts double, TGILF is triple).
p=in five seconds max, the total number of nude pull-ups performed in the locker room at SJU
q=your best 50FR time as a masters swimmer divided by 10.

The highest score on the list of winners went to James Wetherbee, with an astounding score of 20.91. The lowest score went to Vince Breza with a score of 0. The mean score was 6.89, the median was 6.38, and the mode was 5.17. E-man’s awesome theory calls for a minimum score of 10.0, in order to be considered awesome, only three people achieved a score in excess of ten, while the remaining 13 did not. Thus, the Paul Hedin award is not an award (at least not for being awesome).

QED

Once again, blood alcohol level sends Wetherbee over the edge.

I think this award is totally legit. If you have 100 people win the award, and 99 don’t desrve it, but you have one like James “the vein: ribbed for her pleasure” Weahterbee win it, the it makes up for the other 99. Its like those teachers who say “if I can reach just one kid…” This award is about getting it into the right persons hands atleast once.

@E-man’s Revenge wrote:

At this point my memory is a little bit fuzzy, but isn’t that one of the governing equations of Thermodynamics, or a related field in physics?

While I generally would not condone the blatant thievery of an equation, it does appear that it fits your data quite well. Could you apply it to another group of people as well to prove that your method is, in fact, valid?

At this point my memory is a little bit fuzzy, but isn’t that one of the governing equations of Thermodynamics, or a related field in physics?

While I generally would not condone the blatant thievery of an equation, it does appear that it fits your data quite well. Could you apply it to another group of people as well to prove that your method is, in fact, valid?

It is not related to physics. It is in fact an excerpt of a binomial equation used for statistical distribution. I figured, in the interest of allegory, and not actually attempting to win a Fields Medal, it would be acceptable to use. In addition, yes, we could apply it to a control group to prove its validity, but deconstructing satire is not nearly as funny.

Paul Hedin Award info criteria from a high-up GAC source:

Paul Hedin was a member of the Gustavus Swimming Team from 1949 through
1952 and was captain of the team his senior year. The qualities that
made Paul a most valuable member of the Gustavus swim team for four
years were: he was a ‘team’ man first and always, he had a buoyant sense
of humor and cheerful attitude in trying situations, a good student, and
he demonstrated leadership qualities in a variety of campus activities.
The Paul Hedin Memorial Swimming Award has been given annually since
1953 to the male swimmer who best fulfills the above qualities. The
selection is made by a vote of the men’s swimming team, the swim coach
and faculty committee.

Ah, sort of like a participation ribbon. How precious.

More like Special Teams Captain.