And Now for the Airing of Grievances…

Dear D3 swimming coaches and voters,

I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re all gonna hear about it! The most recent poll came out and the Kenyon women are ranked ahead of Emory, albeit by 3 points (god knows I have no idea how the scoring works). The fact that Emory is ranked behind anyone is, to say the least, outrageous. Like a bad piece of fruit from Joe’s, this poll is rotten to its core and needs to be reevaluated immediately.

Let’s take a look at the evidence here. Emory women have the Kenyon women beat in the 50, 100, 200, 500 and the mile. Further, Emory women have faster swims than Kenyon in the 100 and 200 breast, the 100 and 200 back, the 200 and 400IM and the 100 fly. A Kenyon Lady went faster than an Emory Eagle in the 200 fly, which clearly evinces the Ladies’ superiority (WHAT?!?!?).

Don’t even get me started on the relays! Emory women are almost a full second ahead in the 200free relay. They’re a full second ahead of Kenyon in the 200Medley relay as well. Emory also has Kenyon beat by 2 seconds in the 400free relay. Most impressively, however, Emory are a full SEVEN (I typed it out so there wouldn’t be any confusion) seconds ahead of Kenyon in the 400medley relay! It’s true; Emory did not swim an 800free relay yet. But, unless I’m mistaken, the 800free relay counts the same as the other 4 relays.

Honestly, it’s ludicrous and disconcerting that, based on these times, any coach would put Kenyon ahead of Emory. Obviously I only examined each team’s number 1s, but Emory would still drop Kenyon like a bag of hammers if we looked at the depth charts. I’ll just take the 500 free as an example since both teams are traditional distance powers. Emory has three women that have already swum under 5:00, while Kenyon has only one. Tellingly, the three Emory women have swum FASTER than the solitary Kenyon Lady.

We’re in 2010 now. This isn’t the 1990s. There is NO excuse for not having the facts in front of you before you vote, coaches and others who make up the poll. For god’s sake, I looked up these results on my phone at the airport! Everyone has the internet and all it takes is a cursory glance at both teams’ results to see that the Eagles are far and away the better team going into second semester.

To those who sold Emory short: shame on you. Your vote should be suspended until you either take your head out of the sand or you sign your name in blood and promise to never again vote along party lines like you clearly did here.


Frank Costanza

PS: If Lloyd Braun had been running the show at, none of this would have ever happened. Lloyd Braun is a winner!

The D3Swimming news release on this poll can be found here, with the complete poll to be found here.

Cary Burke is a 2008 graduate of Emory University, currently attending law school at the University of Georgia. Hopefully, despite the long law school hours, we will see more posts from him in the future.

If you wish to post a rebuttal or wish to air similar grievances for your team, please contact me.

2 thoughts on “And Now for the Airing of Grievances…”

Leave a Reply